20 minute writing practice

 I am trying something new.  I set my timer for 20 minutes.  I haven't been writing or journaling for months (years?).  I so enjoy it yet there never seems to be enough time to formulate what to say in the way I want to say it.  Yet, I am truly my own gatekeeper here, not time herself.  So, I'm trying a new kind of writing practice.  I will give myself the gift of twenty minutes.  No more, no less- with the assignment of simply moving words from my brain to the page.  With only twenty minutes, I can't edit myself, get stuck on searching for the exact word, or any of the nonsense that prevents me from writing and sharing in this space.

My favorite astrologist suggested that I look back 8 years ago and reflect on the journey that I began at that time.  8 years ago was 2013.  8 years ago was the birth of my first child and my crossing into motherhood.  What journey did I begin?  Where did I set out go and where did it take me as a result?  I set out to begin parenthood with the love of my life and I was able to begin that journey with dear Misha in my arms.  I'll never forget the first night home at 3039 with Misha.  It was that awful wintery mix.  Dark and dreary.  Mike and I stopped for Arby's takeouts on the way home from the hospital with our precious 6 pounds of cargo snoozing in his giant baby carseat.  Dinner that night was on the living room couch (an inherited retro number from Mike's grandparents) staring at our tiny Misha asleep in his carseat set down on the floor in front of us.  Mike and I were astounded.  Now what are we supposed to do?  We ate our Arby's takeout and reflected on our own parents and their first nights home with us.  Somehow we made it through that first night, and then each night following.  Every morning, we grew a little more confident as parents.  

Now, eight years later.  We are in a new home, in a new neighborhood with not one, but two glorious little beings.  Our lives have shaped and reshaped around them.  The choices we make are collective and interdependent.  There is no decision that can be made in isolation.  Even more so in the midst of a pandemic!  Our home and family has been central to everything that we do.  I never expected to work from home.  I never expected to move to a suburb.  Most of us never expected a pandemic.  Much has happened this year that has been so out of my hands.  

And that was 20 minutes.